This Valentine’s Day, Sirf Coffee shares five brutally honest dating mistakes, heart-to-heart
#5 Stop Shopping
Don’t meet so many people back-to-back that you feel like you’re sifting through an Amazon sale. Everyone is different. Make a sincere attempt at getting to know those you choose go out with. Sometimes meeting an excessive amount of dates in a short span can lead to unnecessary comparisons, which ultimately make you lose out on what could’ve been. If love was all about cost-benefit analysis, everyone would’ve found ‘the one’ by now.
A serial dater may feel a lot of emotion during his streak. It’s usually called regret.
#4 Be proactive
There are people who sit around complaining about how it’s “so hard to meet people” / “why are there no interesting women in my city”. If they’re busy waiting for the sky to crack open and someone to fall into their lap, all we can say is: wake up. Did unproductive whining get you your last career promotion? Or did you work for it. If you are going out on a date, take the time out to make sure you are mentally (and physically) prepared. Avoid scheduling a date between meetings, or at the end of a manic Monday.
The world doesn’t owe you anything; you have go out there and make things happen if you aren’t happy with your situation.
# 3 Give People a Chance
Let us ask us you this: Did you know where you were professionally going to be five years ago? You have to let life happen, because no one can predict the future – not even you. When people say, “Oh, I just know if it’s going to work out 10 minutes into my date”, we want to say: meeting new people is like peeling an onion. You may go on eight dates to find out that the hedge fund manager you’re dating is also a Le Cordon Bleu graduate and happens to be a scuba diving instructor. It’s amazing what patience and understanding can bring.
It’s smart to meet people in different settings (more than once), so you can gauge what they’re really like. Sometimes, someone could just be having an off day.
#2 Be Yourself
Maybe you’ve always been told that your existence is God’s gift to mankind. Guess what, not everyone else feels that way. Selling yourself too hard at the first meeting turns off most dates. Most of our clients tell us they are impressed by kindness and humility because it they are almost underrated traits. Egoistic or passive aggressive behaviour is better off the table, because it will only hamper a real opportunity with a potential partner.
There is a fine line between being confident and being cocky. The latter is generally not attractive.
#1 Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Have all those lofty assumptions come from your parents, peers, friends or Richard Curtis movies? All you’re doing is limiting yourself to a type. We constantly hear superficial criteria – “must be tall”, “must graduate from xyz”, “must be this age”, “should make six figures” or I want this or I want that. Unfortunately, relationships don’t work that way. You can find someone who ticks all those boxes and still have zero chemistry. In most cases, people who have an aggrandised wish-list in a partner (who has excelled in every sphere) may be quite poorly accomplished themselves.
Ask yourself what you bring to the table, because you need to be worthy of your ideal person too.
