Current status: 30. Recently single. Basking in the glory of my newly found freedom.
With my fair share of happy, sappy and (a few) crappy relationships over the last couple of I-think-its-time-to-settle-down years, I’ve realized how much I’ve changed. I know what I want and certainly don’t want from my next relationship. Put together my professional learnings and experiences (yup, a full-time matchmaker for the global Indian is a real career!), I started wondering if there really was a guide to getting your relationship fundas straight. PS: A bunch of generic lift-me-up articles won’t compare to a refreshingly honest checklist. This one covers the frustrations and real struggles of someone who hasn’t got it right so far.
If you’re still with me, read on.
What’s your type: Serial Dater or Serious Dater?
We all have the friend(s) who thinks that in order to get over someone, you need to find a new someone. Rebound relationships are so common, and sure they work for a lot of people. But do they really work in the long run? They are probably great as a distraction to get over a bad break-up or toxic relationship. Let’s face it; it feels like trying out a new favourite show on Netflix, only because you’re waiting for the next season of GoT to release. If you want to know why you haven’t found yourself in a stable, long lasting relationship as yet, figure out whether you are really set to date seriously and not just ‘shop’ around.
(Realistic) Expectations are not a deal-breaker.
When it comes to matters of the heart, we often lose all logic. The heart wants what it wants and all that. *cue eye roll* Love is a two-way street (what’s your definition?) that often makes us extremely emotional and also irrational. At such a time, tell yourself that you are entitled to receive the same set of basic expectations from your partner – traits like respect, honesty, and care, which you bring to the equation. The way I see it, it isn’t a tall ask. It’s the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you find yourself chasing your partner for things as realistic and simple as these, I’d say you have a lot to think about.
Two Lives. Two Souls.
I recently read a study that revealed that most relationships that fizzle out in the first 8 to 10 months, because of a control-freak partner. The constant need to be on top of things in an obsessive way, managing the partner’s schedules, even controlling his/her career decisions are some major red flags. A happy relationship will only surface when there are two content, happy individuals that are contributing voluntarily and committedly to being together. Focus on your health, your own happiness, your own journey and know that when you are strong, you are putting up your end of the deal.
Forgive. But don’t forget (the lessons)
Fighting is actually considered healthy for all relationships. A good argument that shows you a different perspective or even one that tells you that you were right (yet again!) is sure to help you grow as a couple, only if you handle it maturely and make it out of the boxing ring alive. Your quarrels will teach you a lot of things; they may anger you, upset you and break you down. But learn to embrace all the changes they bring. Forgive your partner, but don’t forget every lesson you learn along the way. Like they say, you only grow through what you go through.
And after having all your ducks in a row, if you still feel like you seem to be walking through the tunnel with no sign of the light at the end of it, I’d say (out of experience) – stop chasing. Know that things happen for you when you are ready, not when you ask for them. Be it the right job, the perfect relationship, the hefty bank balance, all of it.
Trust the plan and believe that you are meant for good things. The best is yet to come.
Words by Noopur Pal
