Forming a meaningful connection with someone new often feels like a roller-coaster.
Trust isn’t built overnight—it’s crafted through everyday moments, honest conversations, and shared experiences.
In this guide, we’ll discuss professional insights that can help you understand how to build trust in a new relationship.
Table of Contents
- What Is Trust and Why It Matters
- Recognising and Overcoming Common Trust Issues
- The Psychology Behind Mistrust
- Opening Up: The Art of Vulnerable Disclosures
- Connecting on a Deeper Level Through Attunement
- Conclusion
- Frequently Asked Questions
What Is Trust and Why It Matters
Trust is the belief that your partner is reliable, honest, and has your best interests at heart. It’s built gradually with consistent acts of reliability, honesty, and care.
Imagine going on a date and feeling completely at ease because your partner listens intently and follows through on even the small promises—like texting you when they’re running late.
That sense of security and warmth is the bedrock of any successful relationship. Without trust, even the most exciting connection can quickly become a source of anxiety, making it hard to truly let your guard down.
Recognising and Overcoming Common Trust Issues
It’s natural for trust issues to surface, especially if you’ve experienced betrayal or inconsistency in the past.
Perhaps you’ve found yourself over-analysing your partner’s every move, or feeling a nagging doubt when they’re not immediately available.
Dating can be tricky, with the constant ping of notifications and the sometimes overwhelming pace of communication.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming the worst, even when there’s little evidence to back it up.
Understanding how to build trust in a new relationship involves recognising and addressing these fears with open and honest communication.
Learning how to avoid trust issues by communicate effectively and mutual understanding can strengthen your relationship.
The Psychology Behind Mistrust
Building trust in a new relationship through transparency and honesty ensures both partners feel valued and respected.
According to Dr. John Gottman, these moments create a relationship’s emotional bank account, either strengthening or slowly depleting trust over time.
Understanding how to build trust in a new relationship requires awareness of these psychological patterns. Let’s break down how trust is either reinforced or eroded in relationships.
Sliding Door Moments: The Small Choices That Matter
Gottman’s concept of “sliding door moments” is based on the 1998 film Sliding Doors starring Gwyneth Paltrow.
It refers to the seemingly insignificant choices we make daily that either strengthen or weaken trust.
Imagine coming home after a stressful day. Your partner notices your frustration and has two choices: they can either put their phone down and ask how you’re feeling (turning toward you), or they can stay focused on their screen and dismiss the moment (turning away).
Over time, consistently turning toward these moments deepens trust, while neglecting them creates emotional distance.
For example, a couple sitting at a café might have a sliding door moment when one partner sighs deeply.
If the other partner asks, “Everything okay?” they’ve turned toward connection. If they ignore the sigh, they’ve missed an opportunity to strengthen trust.
Bids for Connection: The Foundation of Trust
A “bid” is any attempt for emotional connection—whether it’s a simple text, a joke, or a deep conversation.
Gottman’s research found that couples who recognize and respond to each other’s bids for attention and support have stronger, more resilient relationships.
Think of a partner excitedly sharing a work achievement. If their partner responds enthusiastically, “That’s amazing! Tell me more!” they’ve reinforced trust.
However, if they mutter “Oh cool” without engagement, they’ve missed a moment to affirm their partner’s importance.
The Role of CLALT: Why Mistrust Creeps In
The “Comparison Level for Alternatives” (CLALT) is a psychological concept that influences how people perceive trust in relationships.
It refers to whether someone believes they could have a better relationship elsewhere. If someone feels consistently unheard or unsupported, they may begin evaluating their alternatives, even unconsciously.
For instance, if one partner frequently dismisses the other’s concerns, the neglected partner might start thinking, “Would I be happier with someone who listens?”
The more someone compares their relationship unfavorably to alternatives, the more trust erodes.
Strengthening Trust Through Everyday Interactions
Mistrust doesn’t appear overnight—it develops when sliding door moments are repeatedly missed, bids for connection are ignored, or a partner starts questioning their emotional security in the relationship.
The key to reversing this is being present, engaged, and consistently choosing to turn toward your partner in these critical moments.
If trust has been broken, learning how to rebuild trust after conflict is essential to restoring emotional security.
Opening Up: The Art of Vulnerable Disclosures
One of the key elements of how to build trust in a new relationship is emotional vulnerability.
The role of vulnerability in trust-building cannot be overstated, as it deepens connection and fosters long-term commitment.
Without this openness, it’s easy for misunderstandings and emotional distance to grow.
Partner-Exclusive Disclosures: Expressing Without Blame
Two kinds of vulnerable disclosures can shape your interactions.
Partner-exclusive disclosures are when you talk about your own experiences and emotions without making your partner feel blamed.
For instance, you might say, “I felt really lonely when our plans changed unexpectedly,” instead of, “You never stick to our plans.” This approach invites understanding and care rather than defensiveness.
Partner-Inclusive Disclosures: Framing Feelings Thoughtfully
On the other hand, partner-inclusive disclosures involve framing your feelings in a way that brings your partner into the issue.
While honesty is important, this can sometimes trigger defensiveness if not handled delicately.
Picture a situation where, after a minor disagreement, you say, “You always make me feel unimportant.”
That might prompt your partner to shut down rather than open up. Instead, keeping the focus on your feelings and experiences can encourage a more supportive response.
Connecting on a Deeper Level Through Attunement
According to Dr. John Gottman, ‘Attunement’ is essential for building trust and emotional intimacy in a relationship.
It allows couples to stay emotionally connected, even during conflicts. As Gottman states, attunement is about turning toward your partner’s bids for emotional connection, rather than turning away.” Let’s break this concept into meaningful aspects.
Awareness: Noticing Emotional Cues
Awareness is the first step in emotional attunement. It involves paying close attention to your partner’s nonverbal and verbal cues.
Imagine your partner comes home looking exhausted after a long day. Instead of continuing to scroll through your phone, you take a moment to notice their expression and ask, “Rough day? Want to talk about it?”
This small yet powerful act shows that you’re tuned in to their emotions.
Turning Toward Instead of Turning Away
Turning toward your partner means actively engaging with them rather than dismissing their attempts at connection.
Gottman’s research highlights that strong relationships are built on consistent, positive interactions.
For instance, if your partner excitedly shares a work achievement, responding with enthusiasm rather than a distracted “That’s nice” reinforces trust and connection.
Understanding Differences
Tolerance means accepting that you and your partner will have differing emotions, reactions, and perspectives.
A common challenge in relationships is navigating differences in emotional expression.
Say one partner prefers talking through problems immediately while the other needs time to process.
Instead of assuming one approach is superior, attunement encourages partners to recognize and respect these differences.
Non-Defensive Responding
Defensiveness can quickly erode trust. Setting healthy boundaries can help partners navigate conflicts with respect and clarity.
If your partner expresses frustration by saying, “I feel like you haven’t been present lately,” an attuned response might be, “I see why you feel that way.
Let’s talk about how I can be more present,” rather than “That’s not true! I’ve been really busy!” This shift in response encourages open and constructive dialogue.
Empathy: Validating Emotions
Empathy is the cornerstone of attunement. It’s not about fixing problems but about showing that you understand and care.
If your partner is feeling anxious about an upcoming event, saying, “I totally get why you’re feeling this way. That must be stressful,” rather than “You’ll be fine, don’t overthink it,” can make all the difference.
Empathy fosters emotional safety, strengthening trust over time. Mutual respect and empathy are the foundation for a lasting and meaningful partnership.
Conclusion
Trust isn’t something you’re simply born with; it’s something you build and nurture over time. Small, consistent efforts lead to a flourishing bond.
Through everyday gestures, honest conversations, and the willingness to be vulnerable, you create a space where both partners feel safe and valued.
Remember, learning how to build trust in a new relationship is a journey. Each small act of care, each moment of attunement, and each open-hearted disclosure adds up, forming a deep, lasting connection.
As you navigate your new relationship, keep these insights in mind and embrace the little moments that make a big difference.
Frequently Asked Questions
- How do you know if someone is trustworthy early in dating?
Trustworthiness in the early stages of dating often reveals itself through consistency, honesty, and follow-through on small promises. If your partner communicates openly, respects your boundaries, and shows genuine interest in your well-being, these are strong indicators that they are trustworthy.
- What steps can I take to avoid trust issues?
To avoid trust issues, focus on communicating effectively, setting clear boundaries, and being transparent about expectations. Trust is built through developing emotional intimacy—being open about your thoughts and feelings while also ensuring mutual respect in a romantic connection.
- How can you rebuild trust after a betrayal?
Rebuilding trust after a betrayal requires transparency, accountability, and patience. The person who broke the trust must acknowledge their actions, take responsibility, and make consistent efforts to rebuild the emotional bond. The betrayed partner should express their feelings openly while setting healthy boundaries to ensure emotional safety.
- What are the signs that a bond is becoming stronger?
A strengthening bond is marked by increased emotional intimacy, mutual support, and reliability. If you find that you can express vulnerability without fear of judgment, navigate conflicts with understanding, and consistently choose to turn toward each other in moments of need, your connection is growing stronger.
- How important is emotional intimacy in building trust?
Emotional intimacy is the backbone of trust. Without it, relationships can feel transactional rather than deeply connected. Sharing thoughts, fears, and experiences openly fosters a deep sense of security, making it easier to avoid trust issues and maintain a strong emotional connection.
