Let’s get one thing right, straight up: there are many kinds of love, but never the same love twice. Teenage crushes, college infatuation, your first realationship as an adult, interspersed with many peaks and troughs in your dating graph.
Finding love, and sharing your life with them is one, giant, work-in-progress; you’re bound to make a couple of pit-stops before you reach your destination.
As I count down to my wedding early next year, as I look back, I realised how many frogs I had to kiss before I met my fiancé! Over the last couple of relationships, I’ve evolved as an individual – what I seek in a partner, where I see myself in life 5 years from now, and what must form the base of any long term commitment has seen much iteration. Today, as strange as this sounds, I feel like a ‘brand new’ person, with the sensibilities of a young, ambitious and self-loving individual who knows what she wants, and more importantly, what she doesn’t want.
If you’ve been on the dating scene for a while, and still find yourself single, chances are you’ve had more misses than hits. We’ve got some of the usual suspects covered here; which ones have you met so far?
Infatuation 101
When you’re so smitten that all logic goes out of the window. More often than not, this is your ‘first love’. The kind that blooms at school – day dreaming about your crush, flirtatious texts, and special, private conversations. The world is your oyster, you bask in the attention and feel special. But when you look beneath the surface, there’s not much to write home about. It’ll last a few weeks, maybe a couple of months – you’ll go out on dates, do silly things for each other and that may just be it. But hey, don’t let this demotivate you – love is all about maturing into a better, happier and content person. In all probability, you’re not going to find it that early on in your life!
The ‘Bad’ Boy / Girl
All of us have our own definition of the irresistible bad boy / out-of-your-league babe. A rebel in an environment that you’re a misfit in; someone, you worry, is emotionally unavailable; someone’s behaviour you are (almost) constantly trying to justify to yourself, and friends and family. Whatever may be the case, no one wants to be in an unfulfilling, one-sided relationship. And no one should be! The mind games, the conditioning, the agony and the impending disappointment –is not worth it, but it is a part of the journey to stand up for yourself. Know where to draw the line, gather your self-respect and walk away. Love yourself first.
The One That Got Away
They say, when you know, you just know! And yet, sometimes you could know wrong, too. Love is about two individuals feeling equally committed to each other, and being responsible for making a relationship work. However, sometimes you could end up being the only one in the relationship feeling this way. Heartaches, sometimes disguised as break-ups, are an integral part of your path to finding the right person. So you shouldn’t let them bring you down. In the words of the great Maya Angelou, “Have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.”
The Commitment Phobe
It begins with a single text. You spend time getting to know them, you progress from being acquaintances to friends and then a little more. Before you know it, you’re meeting each other’s inner circle and even taking vacations together! You feel you’ve got it all figured out in your head, you know things are heading in a certain direction –but sadly, it’s made out to be a figment of your imagination. As gutting as it can be, your ‘dreamboat’ wants to see other people. Or worse, she/he isn’t really ready for the serious stuff. And sometimes, there’s nothing you can say or do that will make them change their mind either. In such a situation, with all honesty – know that you dodged a bullet. You don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t want the same things in life as you.
The Eternal Optimist
Love can often be an emotional rollercoaster ride; the ups and downs are on-going, and to be honest, you’re never really prepared enough for them. Being with someone who looks at the positive side of all situations can be a boon, because they will always be around to lift you up when your spirits are low. However, beware the eternal optimist – the one who refuses to see the practicality of any situation, can be not-so-good. My personal experience tells me that this type is the one I’d stay farthest from – they’re the ones who don’t know when to give up, the ones who will hang by a thread even if the relationship is leading to nowhere.
The One
Finding your version of a true soulmate can be an exhilarating experience. Some find them in their best friend; some find them in a stranger. But let’s face it: you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is your twin. We are all looking at someone who completes us, someone that can add value to our being, and be a good team player. You know, the ketchup to your fries, the yin to your yang! Someone who just gets you. All your quirks, all your (annoying) habits and is yet willing to stick around, because guess what – you complete them, too.
Whatever may be the case, in my personal experience, when I found my ‘one’, there weren’t any butterflies. It felt eerily calm and will make you even doubt if you’re actually right about this one. But believe me when I say this, the one you are meant to spend your life with, shouldn’t give you anxiety in the first place – your relationship needs to be effortless. You will feel right about so many things, you will end up wanting to be a better person – for yourself. (I know I have!). So go on, and enjoy the ride. You have nothing to lose, except that single status.
Words by Noopur Pal
